In order to give and receive love well, you have to know that not all people give and receive love the same way. Everyone wants to be loved, but I honestly think that most are not equipped on how to love well. My late husband, (I hate typing those words and not sure i will ever get used to this reference 💔) Quintin and I took a young married class at our church when we were first married in the summer of 1999. In this class we were mentored by some amazing older and wiser couples who had a strong desire to help marriages withstand the test of time. If was off of a study from Gary Chapmans book: THE 5 LOVE Languages: The Secret to Love that Lasts
This was the secret to making our love last through those hard times!
Look at these babies? At times, I wonder where did those two kids go and others it feels like yesterday. We were young, naive and ready to take on the world or so we thought. But the reality is we were in love but we just didnt know how to love one another the most effective way.
There are 5 Different Love Languages: Quality Time, Acts of Service, Receiving Gifts, Physical Touch, and Words of Affirmation. We took a quiz in that class in order to better understand how to love and receive love from one another. We also learned that how you give love is typically the way you want to receive love, but is not always effective on the recipient in which you are trying to love.
Lots of times people have a main love language with another that is secondary to the first. For example,
Quintin spelled love A -C-T -I O- N, it was through his action of service toward you to show he loved and cared about you. I describe how he loved us well in this Facebook Post if you want to check it out HERE. He was a man who received and naturally gave love through acts of service. He also loved to know those acts of service were well received, so when he worked hard he appreciated and received love with words of affirmation. For me it is Quality Time, so my husband graciously suggested we go for coffee every Tuesday morning to reconnect just the two of us and started sharing and encouraging others to implement that quality time together as a couple too. HERE is one of our Tuesday date days that we would often share on social media with the hashtag #DateYourMate. In this post we talk about the need for setting the time aside for one another and prioritizing your time together.
Here is a picture of our young love. He was my very best of friend! There is not a day that goes by where I don't miss him so much. He was such a gift!
I believe this Love Language tool equipped us to love one another in a deeper more profound way. This tool was a gift that was graciously poured out over us from those older wiser marriage mentors, so I want to pay it forward and encourage you to dig in and find out what your love language and your spouses love language is so you can learn to love one another well.
So if your spouse is a word of affirmation, never withhold an opportunity to love them through your words. Maybe it is acts of service, then take a task of their list and complete it without being asked or them even knowing you are doing it. Is it gifts? If so, maybe a nice bouquet of flowers or bakery treat delivered to them at work. Physical touch? Giving a hug to start you morning or holding their hand while at dinner, church or a kids sporting event – or maybe massaging their back just to show you care. Or maybe it is quality time, like it is for me. Don't mistaken quality for quantity. It doesn't have to be a ton of time to show how much you care. Schedule in time to do a date day or night, or if that is not possible in your life in the current moment because you are in the thick of it with parenting, get your kids on a routine put those kiddos to bed so you and your spouse and can sit and have a glass of wine or chat in the living room connecting before each day is over. I get schedules are busy but everyone has the time for the things and people they love. Prioritizing is key here. Know that you have this tool in you tool belt make it a fun game each day to learn to love your spouse well each day, with no strings attached. This means do it with a joyful heart without the expectation of them doing it in return, as if it is a joyful sacrificial love because when learn to love this way it will grow your marriage in more ways than you could ever imagine.
Love Languages are not just for married couples. If you want to be the best parent you know how to be, learn to speak their love language. This will help you to better understand your growing child on an entirely different level and turn those what used to be frustrations into understanding towards your child. Learn to love them in a way they need and desire, and you will end up having a more well balanced child and family environment.
I did a coffee chat on this very topic. You can tune in here to hear a bit of my heart on how knowing our Love Languages truly impacted our day to day in our marriage and family unit. For those of you who follow me on social media, more mornings than not I wake up in my jammies with coffee cup in hand and share a bit of my heart with you just like we were sitting and having a cup of brew together. These are posted in my stories on instagram and you can check them out daily HERE . Hope you enjoy!
For those who want to know more about my husband and his love for me in cooking you can check out COOKING WITH Q a section that I dedicated in honor of him for always being willing to step in- create a meal and content to go along with it and help in me in all the ways! If you choose to have a meal from the COOKING WITH Q area of my blog, it would make my heart so happy for you to leave a comment in honor that meal or memories that you created with your family while enjoying it.
So friends, I urge you to take the quiz, educate yourself and take this tool and place it in your tool belt to utilize to love your spouse daily! In order to receive love in the way you desire you must give love in an effective way your spouse desires. Remember friend, tomorrow is not promised so live today loving fiercely!
Focus on building a marriage that stands the test of time, and it starts with loving one another well.
Much Love – Lori aka “CBM”
Here is Gary Chapmans book: THE 5 LOVE Languages: The Secret to Love that Lasts
or you could even center around your dates with this beautiful One Year Love Language Devotional and would also make the best wedding gift tucked in with some date money!
