The ONE thing that will Destroy Your Marriage is UNREALISTIC expectations! You read that right, it is time to Ditch the Unrealistic Marriage Expectations! If you aren't careful, those unrealistic expectations will start to creep in and DESTROY your marriage and likely every relationship you encounter.
Unrealistic Expectations? You know the unrealistic ones in every fairy tale you have ever seen, where they both run off to live happily ever after without a care in the world? Ummm…yup that one, and I am here to tell you the TRUTH.. that is NOT real life! I don't care how much you are in love, or how they are your soulmate marriage is not a fairy tale. Why is it that we still imagine married life to be that way? We get caught in the comparison trap of looking in at other marriages and wonder why their life “looks” so perfect?
Kinda like this picture that was taken on our wedding day on that beautiful May day of 1999, doesn't give you all the feels?
I know me too!
I mean isn't this what most of us envision marriage as… “Happily Ever After” I mean don't get me wrong, this was one of the best days of my life however this was just the beginning of a journey that was filled with adventure and many ups and downs as is life.
Well, let me reassure you what you perceive isn't reality friends. Those pictures, much like this one above are from the highlight scroll of social media. These type of pictures are the ones everyone posts the ones we want people to see. No one is posting their horrible fights, broken dreams, financial hardships, or those tear filled nights of that hard that no one escapes in a relationship. The reality is after the honey moon fades real life hits you at some point. When that real life hits, you have a choice to make. Will you lean in to the hard and stay true to the commitment you made or will you run away because it isn't the fairy tale that you had imagined?
When you hit the phase in life where you don't see eye to eye, those quips that you fell in love with are now the things that annoy you the most, you both are so sleep deprived from being up late nights and up before the sun rises in the mornings with feeding and changing poopy diapers and raising a family that is when it gets REAL!
Trust me, I remember those days well. The days were long but the years were oh so short!
Since losing my Q suddenly and unexpectedly in April, I FEEL this even more today than I did just a short 6 months ago. Quintin wasn't perfect, and I am not perfect. Our marriage was far from perfect. There are many times we hurt one another in our marriage. Some of those hurts were knowingly out of our selfishness and many times unknowingly. The choices we made needed of an abundance of grace, accepting and offering of unlimited forgiveness.
I don't know if you fell on my Crazy Busy Mama blog because you are struggling with grief too, or just happened on this blog post because of my Crazy Busy Mama recipes blog, but either way I am glad you are here. I am knew to this grief struggle, as I lost my sweet husband unexpectedly on April 9th 2024. That day marks the day my entire world came crashing down. If you are new to this section of the Blog here isQuintin's Story and the events surrounding his sudden and unexpected death.
Just like a family vacation (pictured below), has many highs and lows but overall will be a long lasting positive memory. For us parents reading that we know this to be an absolute truth! I feel this in my bones as I remember this fun pictures (below) from our vacation in 2016. A family vacation is always a whirlwind of fun, exhaustion and navigating nap times and emotions.
This picture is worth a thousand words, but what it doesn't show is just a few minutes before this picture was taken the hike we were on our littlest (Lily) lost her shoe in the mud that brought on massive tears of frustration that led to more emotional outbursts from another child of ours and a mom who was scrambling to figure out a quick solution. Boy oh boy, we were a hot mess and it that mess wasn't just the shoe! In other words, perception isn't always reality my friends. This picture shows NONE of that frantic stress, and very well could be deceiving to those looking in at our family vacation thinking every moment was picturesque just like this posed picture was. But just because this picture doesn't encapsulate the entirety of the experiences of our vacation doesn't mean that our vacation wasn't something wonderful.
Just like a marriage…just because you have areas that need attention or seasons of valleys doesn't mean that your marriage isn't wonderfully imperfectly perfect and just because you don't see those imperfect moments in others doesn't mean that everything in their marriage is picturesque.
If you are not careful this would be a really easy trap to fall into, that would build a laundry list of unrealistic expectations in your own marriage that neither one of you could live up to.
Anyone in a relationship for any extended amount of time knows that for a relationship to sustain the hard times and truly be fulfilling in the good times it requires effort. A marriage requires work just like any relationship!
If you want a life and marriage full adventure it will require you to have endurance in your commitment. That adventure will have peaks and valleys. Not all adventures are the same, some will have deeper valleys and higher mountain tops so don't get caught in the comparison it will rob from your own marriage adventure.
The mountaintop experiences in life are so much higher and more rich because of those low valleys we endure together.
Don't miss out on those mountain top moments, because you gave up in the valley. Those valleys are just a season and if you hold on to another and your commitment that mountain top will come back around and provide you the most incredible memories.
In Short…
A beautiful marriage is one that is imperfectly perfect with an unmeasurable amount of grace and forgiveness freely given to one another.
Unrealistic expectations in a marriage will destroy it!! Remember feelings start to waiver but your commitment is what stands true!
Make a commitment today to Choose to LOVE despite wrong doings. Forgive and learn to laugh. Don’t take everything so serious!
A healthy Marriage is an imperfect one… and requires work and an abundance of grace!
Love is everything the world says it’s not!
Love is not self serving … I don’t learn to love myself more, rather its quite the opposite. Love is to die to oneself and live a selfless life of servitude toward one another. To put your spouses needs and desires above yours.
Hard to do but necessary for a successful marriage.
Love is patient and kind; love does not envy or boast; it is not arrogant or rude. It does not insist on its own way; it is not irritable or resentful; it does not rejoice at wrongdoing, but rejoices with the truth. 1 Cor 13:4-8
Your marriage is worth fighting for friend! Embrace the idea of ditching the expectation of what you think marriage should look like or what your partner “should be” and start loving your partner as who they are flaws in all. All marriages (and relationships) are imperfect, choose grace and forgiveness and always CHOOSE LOVE!
Don't miss out on the full adventure of Marriage by being blinded to the Unrealistic Expectations of the fairy tale! The imperfect offers so many more blessings than the fairy tale could ever offer.
So thankful we CHOSE one another despite it all! Love you forever Q!
Every morning, I wake up and share a bit of my heart on my socials. If you are not following me on instagram, you can do so HERE and in this season specifically I am sharing my grief journey. Praying that I can share hope in the midst of my pain and how you too can find purpose in the midst of your valley by remembering Whose you are and who holds you! For those who would like to take a listen you can do so below.
So thankful for your encouragement each day 🥹your support means the world to me.
I am excited to announce, I have started my very own Crazy Busy Mama mug collection. “FLAWSOME” is on of my signature exclusive mugs and you can SNAG IT HERE – Each one of my designs comes with my CBM signature with a 💗✝️ on each. I hope you enjoy having coffee with me each morning and these exclusive CBM designs encourage you to put your best foot forward each day!
Isn't time you embrace your FLAWSOME?
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Can you share the 5 things that we need to know if our spouse passes away. Like knowing his bank password,etc.
Can you share the 5 things that we need to know if our spouse passes away. Like knowing his bank password,etc.