How To Take The Next Step In Grief

Since Quintin's sudden and unexpected passing, life has just not been the same and all I want to do is go back to before. I have never wanted to time travel to the past so desperately in all my life. Taking the next step in grief is so necessary to the healing process, but incredibly difficult to do. Just because I am a believer doesn't make me immune to the constant grief I feel. The constant physical ache of grief I have is indescribable it's like a constant pit in my stomach and most often than not it comes along with physical shaking most days. Taking a step forward feels counter productive to healing process, because if I am being honest I do not want to move on I want to go back in time and stay stuck in my life with Q forever. It's like every step I take, is a step further away from my time with Quintin and that is the last thing I desire. All of it is just so much to take in not to mention the physical sickness with this but the guilt that accompanies with it too.

If you are new to this Blog here is Quintin's Story the events surrounding his sudden and unexpected death.

So with this, comes the question how does one the the next step in grief? After all, I am a mom of 4 kids who depend on me to be thier anchor or at the very least a parent to them and this is nearly impossible to do most days when I am trying to navigate all these unknowns myself.

When you don't know how to take the next step forward in grief, you just take the next step. I have come to realize the more I question “what next” the more it makes me feel stuck. It feels so incredibly lonely! Not to many widow moms out there trying to raise 4 kids at home. So what does just taking the next step mean? It looks different each and every day, but I get up every day and choose one thing to do. Maybe that is taking the dog for a walk, taking a car ride with no goal in mind but just to ride, laying in bed with my kid just to be together at the end of the day- and not because I have all the answers but to simply remind them I am there, or maybe some mornings I just take the next step or by turning my camera around to talk to anyone who might listen that needs a bit of encouragement to say “You are not alone” in your valley or maybe it is just a simple reassurance for me.

There are so many firsts without Quintin that makes life virtually impossible to manage. As I share below in my coffee chat video, the 4th of July was awful just another reminder of life passing by new memories being created without him. I tried to bring a little Q into the day and honor him by grilling but in taking the next step in my grief process, I couldn't even get the grill to light. I was beyond frustrated and emotional from what seemed to be this little insignificant thing that turned into a massive pitfall for the day. Then in that moment of frustration and sorrow, my sweet daughter encouraged me to go lie down and rest. While I was resting, unbeknownst to me she went to the grocery store to get all the ingredients to make our very favorite PASTA SALAD (that I will LINK HERE) this was a simple reminder that things will look different and that is ok and that different can be a blessing too. I mean who needs to grill on the 4th of July anyway right? LOL Fast forward a few days later, my son tells me the reason we couldn't get the grill to light was simply because we had ran out of propane. Ugh, there are so many learning curves to this new unchosen life of ours. Then, he got a new propane and grilled us chicken for dinner that night. So that simple not being able to light the grill, allowed for my two oldest children to bless our family with their new found skills. Yet another reminder there are so many blessings in the unexpected too.

One thing I am come to know all too well, is that Faith doesn't take the problem away!

Faith doesn't always take you out of the problem, faith takes you through the problem. Faith doesn't always take away the pain, faith gives you the ability to handle the pain. Faith doesn't always take you out of the storm, Faith calms you in the midst of the storm.

Even Jesus himself asked in the Garden of Gethsemane that the cup be taken from Him. All the while, He was experiencing great anguish praying to be delivered from His impending suffering while also accepting God's will

Father, if you are willing, take this cup from me; yet not my will, but yours be done.”When you don’t know what else to do be do your best to keep taking those steps and be still and allow Him to carry you through. – Luke 22:42

This is reassuring to me as a believer, that I am NOT alone! Jesus relates to my pain of not wanting to walk through suffering, but ultimately demonstrates in the flesh the ultimate surrender even in His suffering. He went to the cross willingly to end the suffering of death once and for all. It is FINISHED demonstrates His love for us, that while we were still sinners Christ chose to die for us so that we too can live an eternal life if we enter into a relationship with Him and make Him Lord of our life.

For God so loved the world that he gave his one and only Son, that whoever believes in him shall not perish but have eternal life – John 3:16

I remind myself each day as I take one more step, that I am not moving on rather moving forward in grief and on those really difficult days and moments I am learning to allow God to carry me until the day I am reunited with my husband in heaven to spend eternity.

If you are reading today, and you are in the deepest valley of despair I pray that this is a right here right now word for you. As you pray for this cup to be taken away from you and you too come to the realization there is no way of taking it away rather walking through it, pray for strength to take the next step and ask God to direct your next steps. Faith is what will heal and comfort you through the storm. God is waiting for you to surrender your sorrow and grief to Him. Allow Him to turn your mess into His message and give your pain purpose. BUT GOD…. 💗✝️

This is a picture of me and my sweet niece the day before her wedding. Life might be hard friends, but if you open your eyes and allow yourself to see through His lens there are all sorts of amazing blessings in the midst of your storm.

Every morning, I wake up and share a bit of my heart on my socials. If you are not following me on instagram, you can do so HERE and in this season specifically I am sharing my grief journey. Praying that I can share hope in the midst of my pain and how you too can find purpose in the midst of your valley by remembering Whose you are and who holds you! For those who would like to take a listen you can do so below.

So thankful for your encouragement each day 🥹your support means the world to me.

I am excited to announce, I have started my very own Crazy Busy Mama mug collection. “But God” open is on of my signature exclusive mugs and you can SNAG IT HERE – Each one of my designs comes with my CBM signature with a 💗✝️ on each. I hope you enjoy having coffee with me each morning and these exclusive CBM designs encourage you to put your best foot forward each day!

Featured Coffee Mug