I am NOT Ok

💔6 MONTHs💔 how can it be? Seems like yesterday we lost you yet seems like forever ago we miss you so much! Time has stood still for us while everyone else’s has seem to go on. 

I don't know if you fell on my Crazy Busy Mama blog because you are struggling with grief too, or just happened on this blog post because of my Crazy Busy Mama recipes blog, but either way I am glad you are here. I am knew to this grief struggle, as I lost my sweet husband unexpectedly on April 9th 2024. That day marks the day my entire world came crashing down. If you are new to this section of the Blog here is Quintin's Story and the events surrounding his sudden and unexpected death.

When people ask …

How are you? 

I want to scream… I AM NOT Ok- but in my suffocating grief I seem to always respond I’m fine. 😥

I realize no one likes to see broken… no one wants to feel that way either but life is full of trials of many kind that so many are trying to navigate and it is so crippling at times.  

If I being honest, I am crippled most days … I share this publicly to share the real and raw of life. If you have never experienced crippling fear, anxiety or loss consider yourself truly blessed but one day you may just find yourself experiencing the deepest grief of your life and wondering how to move forward. 

And I want you to remember THIS- 

ITS OK TO NOT BE OK!

I want this picture to be an example of how life is hard, it’s ok to not be ok and how we must take the time to feel the feels then get up out of bed and take that scary step- even when you don’t feel it! Healing is a process. 

Trust me I am fighting for healing in my life not just for me but for my kids ❤️‍🩹

It’s ok to not be ok! – but I still have Hope in the hurting and you can too! 🤍

This sums up exactly how I feel 😥🙏🏻 the song “ I am Not Ok” by Jelly Roll was released a few months after Qs passing and it’s spot on from the day of our devastation of losing him to today 6 agonizing months later 💔  

🎶 Here are the lyrics to the song: 🎶 

I am not okay

I'm barely getting by

I'm losing track of days

And losing sleep at night

I am not okay

I'm hanging on the rails

So if I say I'm fine

Just know I learned to hide it well

I know, I can't be the only one

Who's holding on for dear life

But God knows, I know

When it's all said and done

I'm not okay

But it's all gonna be alright

It's not okay

But we're all gonna be alright

I woke up today

I almost stayed in bed

Had the devil on my back

And voices in my head

Some days, it ain't all bad

Some days, it all gets worse

Some days, I swear I'm better off

Layin' in that dirt

I know, I can't be the only one

Who's holding on for dear life

But God knows, I know

When it's all said and done

I'm not okay

But it's all gonna be alright

It's not okay

But we're all gonna be alright

Gonna be alright

Gonna be alright

I know one day

We'll see the other side

The pain'll wash away

In a holy water tide

And we all gonna be alright

I know, I can't be the only one

Who's holding on for dear life

But God knows, I know

When it's all said and done

I'm not okay

But it's all gonna be alright

It's not okay

But we're all gonna be alright

I'm not okay

But it's all gonna be alright

I Am Not Ok- Jelly Roll 

This was US a year ago today …

Oh how I yearn for this time together as a family again! Life is but a vapor my friend, this was my life just a year ago today and it knocks the wind out of me. He was our MAIN Character and we have a massive void in our lives forever, but we carry the HOPE that we will see Quintin one day again and be reunited together as a family in our eternal home.

Every morning, I wake up and share a bit of my heart on my socials. If you are not following me on instagram, you can do so HERE and in this season specifically I am sharing my grief journey. Praying that I can share hope in the midst of my pain and how you too can find purpose in the midst of your valley by remembering Whose you are and who holds you! For those who would like to take a listen you can do so below. 

So thankful for your encouragement each day 🥹your support means the world to me.

I am excited to announce, I have started my very own Crazy Busy Mama mug collection. With GOD ALL THINGS ARE POSSIBLE is on of my signature exclusive mugs and you can SNAG IT HERE – Each one of my designs comes with my CBM signature with a 💗✝️ on each. I hope you enjoy having coffee with me each morning and these exclusive CBM designs encourage you to put your best foot forward each day!