I don't know if you fell on my Crazy Busy Mama blog because you are struggling with grief too, or just happened on this blog post because of my Crazy Busy Mama recipes blog, but either way I am glad you are here. I am knew to this grief struggle, as I lost my sweet husband unexpectedly on April 9th 2024. That day marks the day my entire world came crashing down.
If you are new to this section of the Blog here is Quintin's Story and the events surrounding his sudden and unexpected death.
In my fog there has been a constant phrase on repeat. For the last 4 months since Qs 💔passing, my new phrase has become “I DON’T KNOW”
Have you ever felt this way in life?
Since that horrific day of April 9th, 2024 my world would be forever changed. I was in denial, numb and just wanted to pretend this was not happening. The only way I know how to describe it, is truly an out of body experience. Quintin was young had zest for life, an amazing dad, husband and we had so many more hopes and dreams. After all, we were raising a family together and getting ready to celebrate our 25 year wedding anniversary. We were in the prime of our lives- this couldn't be happening, I simply refused this as my new reality! No one expects to lose their spouse while raising their kids, you expect to grow old together. So may questions surround the events that took place that night and unanswered questions remain. The phrase that is a constant swirling around in my brain, is ” I DON'T KNOW” this wasn't just a thought, it manifested in my daily actions. Nearly 4 months into the unexpected loss of my Q, this is the phrase that I found myself saying out loud daily.
When you go through such tragic grief, you are punched in the gut and have the air completely knocked out of you. You are just trying to get back up on your feet, survive and figure to how to put the pieces back together of your life. Making decisions about your day to day is nearly impossible. Grief is a daily physical and emotional struggle. The smallest of tasks are the absolute biggest and everything has lost significance, it really is such a whirlwind of a mind mess. Then, if you are a mom you are trying not only help your kids through the grieving process but also trying be a parent too. It's all so extremely hard. In that one moment we lost our EVERYTHING- Our World!
So the only thing constant in my life became “I Don't Know” and this phrase summed my life up perfectly!
I DON'T KNOW… where to go from here.
I DON'T KNOW… how I will make it to tomorrow.
I DON'T KNOW… how to be a single mom of 4 teens.
I DON'T KNOW… what to do with all these emotions.
I DON'T KNOW… how to handle this situation.
The “I Don't Knows” never stop!
In my uncertainty and despair, I sat sipping my coffee and Q's squirrel chasing buddy Lulu was perched and ready, the holy spirit lovingly nudged and reminded me…
I Don't Know- But He Does!
When I am fogged in my constant “I Don’t Knows” I reminded He Does Know
So my prayer turns from I Don’t Know to “But YOU Know”
Did you know there's a prayer called the ” I DON'T KNOW” Prayer? So friend, is this is you then say this simple prayer.
You just go off somewhere quiet and hidden and you walk right up to the heart of God and you say,
“I Don't Know.”
I Don't Know where to go from here.
I Don't Know how to process this.
I don't know what to do with these emotions.
I don't know how to handle this situation.
It covers a lot of I don't knows.
And then with whatever dusty little sand grain of faith you have. you say, “But You know.”
And you leave it there.
God most certainly hears that prayer.
Maybe it is not grief that you are walking through, rather something of uncertainty that is debilitating you in your daily life this prayer is for you too.
I Don't Know Prayer- Outline
1- Find a Quiet Place
2-Calm your Heart
3- Say. “Jesus, I don't know”
4-Express what you don't know, such as where to go, what is happening, how to process something, or how to handle a situation.
5- Then you muster up as much faith as you can, and say “But You Know”
Truly I tell you , if you have faith as small as a mustard seed, you can say to this mountain, ‘Move from here to there,' and it will move. Nothing will be impossible for you. Matthew 17:20
This is our family bible that sits in our kitchen with a picture of our hero Q, I put this here in a place where we are most of our days to remind us that he is with his heavenly father, catching the biggest fish on those crystal lakes of Heaven. I have so many doubts, questions and uncertainties- but one thing I know for certain is “He Knows”
So friend if you are in the valley of don’t knows and flooded with doubt, start turning that prayer of uncertainty into “But You Know” and trust He hears that prayer and has you, He is making a way, making decisions for you in the midst of your fog and holds you in the palm of His hand. ❤️
Allow Him to turn your mess into His message and give your pain purpose. BUT GOD…. 💗✝️
It's a walk by faith surrender kinda prayer, try it I promise it will permeate in ways you wouldn't have thought possible.
Every morning, I wake up and share a bit of my heart on my socials. If you are not following me on instagram, you can do so HERE and in this season specifically I am sharing my grief journey. Praying that I can share hope in the midst of my pain and how you too can find purpose in the midst of your valley by remembering Whose you are and who holds you! For those who would like to take a listen you can do so below.
So thankful for your encouragement each day 🥹your support means the world to me.
I am excited to announce, I have started my very own Crazy Busy Mama mug collection. “But God” open is on of my signature exclusive mugs and you can SNAG IT HERE – Each one of my designs comes with my CBM signature with a 💗✝️ on each. I hope you enjoy having coffee with me each morning and these exclusive CBM designs encourage you to put your best foot forward each day!
Featured Coffee Mug
CBM “But God” Mug
Whether you're drinking your morning coffee, evening tea, or something in between—this mug's for you! It's sturdy and…
I stumbled on your page because I guess Facebook was targeting me for grief sites. I’m glad I found you. I lost my soul mate of 12 years on June 1st due to a horrific car wreck. He was just 40 years old and left me to raise an autistic, type one diabetic 8 year old alone. That is all I can say on most days. I don’t know!
I don’t know how I’m going to raise this child alone.
I don’t know any thing any more.
We have 5 children total, three adult kids, and a 14 year old from his previous marriage was in the car with him and walked away.
All I do know is I want this nightmare to go away. I want the life we had back. I want the kids to have their dad back. I want to be the strong person I use to be. But I don’t know how.