Prepare For An Unexpected Loss

Would you are your family be prepared with an unexpected loss? 

Walking through an unexpected loss is incredibly difficult. The last thing you want to think about is the decisions of every day life. You are already dealing with debilitating sadness, anxiety, physical sickness, sleep disruption and trying to figure out how to put the pieces together. But it doesn’t stop there unfortunately, you will have to make decisions on how to move forward with financial obligations so preparing ahead is so important in order for you or your loved one not to be bogged down with unnecessary hard decisions. Life is going to be incredibly difficult to handle without these added hard decisions. 

For better or for worse, Til death do us part … those are wedding vows that everyone takes when they get married and my Quintin took those vows seriously and thought ahead taking care of those worser times in preparation for that potentially dreadful day.

I would have never imagined my life would be here today, a SUDDEN DEATH OF MY HUSBAND and unexpectedly widowed single mother while raising 4 teens. Who expects to be widowed in their 40s? I know I did not!

In short, Quintin was a preparer! He was so good at thinking of the things that no one wanted to think of and coming up with a plan for the unexpected. Some may think it’s morbid and at times when we talked about the possibility of the unexpected happening I would hush him, because I didn’t like talking about it much less even thinking about it. 

Quintin had a way of loving on us through selfless ways and making sure he took care of us upon his unexpected loss was  high priority to him. He loved us so much he wanted to make sure when he couldn’t physically be here he did all he could to take care of us. He crossed all the t's and dotted all the i’s 

Those hard conversations had us looking like this most times. Funny pic, right? But oh so true, these conversations can be more than incredibly difficult.

However, I am so thankful he lead the way in those conversations when I was to weak or emotional to do so. 

I could write a book on how wise and intentional this man was toward me and the kids. He truly embodied how a man should lead, protect, love and provide for his family. We call these nuggets of wisdom “Q-ism's” he was truly gifted by the words he spoke. He would draw you in and somehow compel those he encountered to strive to be a better version of themselves. He often did this without words, by simply leading the way. He led and you trustingly followed. He was an amazing leader.

Let me first say, I am not a professional by any stretch of the imagination but I do know unexpected hardship and if I can help just one person through sharing these things then I feel like my sharing was worthwhile. 

Here are 3 things my husband did to prepare us for our unexpected loss long before he went to heaven. 

1- WILL or TRUST

Do you know what your loved ones wishes would be if an unexpected death were to occur? So many decisions will be required of you and if you have the hard big ones already lined out this will be less decisions you will have to make. 

How do you choose Will or TRUST? Here is the difference between a will and trust. 

A will is a simple legal document that provides instructions on how to distribute property to beneficiaries after death, while a trust is a complex legal contract that allows you to transfer your property to an account to be managed by another person

Simply put, hire and attorney to help you decide and to draft what is best for your family. You will pay to do this, but it will be the best money you can spend to make sure you rest assure everything is taken care of the way it needs to be. 

This document needs to outline what your wishes would be upon death. Burial or cremation and how you wish for your loved ones to proceed. You will also want to keep this document in a safe place where the both of you know where it is in event of an expected tragedy.

Trust me, I get it. You won’t want to make these decisions ahead but they are a necessity when and if you ever have to deal with an unexpected death of a loved one or for your loved ones 

Although, this is NOT one of the 3 I outline here it is an absolute must to make sure all accounts have beneficiaries. Including bank accounts, financial accounts -including life insurance, real estate, vehicles (by checking TOD fill in name on title application). By doing these things, this means that your property or accounts will not go into probate. Also, make sure to update all these documents as your loved one passes away.

2- PASSWORDS

Create a file where you have mutual access to all passwords of all the things from phone, socials, all devices, apps on phone, financial websites including bank accounts, documents etc.. 

This will be essential to gaining access to everything you will need from the days following to the years ahead.

Also, outline necessary Financial Accounts such as banking information, insurance, mortgage/rent, utilities, retirement plans and don’t forget those Venmo/PayPal apps too. 

Quintin had a document on his laptop he created with all these details and also names of contacts to help guide us in the event of his unexpected death. He also included a some other details on “what to do next” and a reassuring note to me which was and has remained priceless to me. This document came in super handy. Allowing me to check things off the list in order in which to do them. A few of the names he listed were accountant, attorney, insurance broker, financial advisor and a few trusted friends of his with specific knowledge on different things we may need around the house. He listed their names, character strengths and numbers including cell phone numbers.

This document including passwords, was truly a gift to us in the immediate days following and to this day. 

3- INSURANCE

After a death of a loved one they tell you not to make any major decisions for at least a year. I am not sure who “they” are, but I do believe this to be a good rule to live by while grieving. I have also heard this to be more like 2 years instead of one, and I truly believe the longer you can wait on life altering decisions the best. Not rushing through major decisions gives a reprieve to ones that need more time for thought behind them. Nothing like the pressure of finances will have you making decisions you don’t want to make leading to potential regret years later. So preparing for that day is essential to your grieving process. 

So this is why Life Insurance is so important. Life Insurance will help to take care of funeral expenses and allow you to not have the burden of finances for a designated time. Allowing you to take the time needed to make more educated and rational decisions on a timeline you feel more confident in.

Make sure you keep these insurance document policies in a safe and secured area familiar to both of you. 

Life Insurance will not reach out to you, you will have to reach out to them to claim. So it is very important that you know where these documents are kept.

Millions of dollars each year are unclaimed simply due to the fact loved ones don’t even know their loved one had insurance. 

So make sure you are aware and know where to find them in the event of an unlikely and often time likely occurrence. 

These 3 tips won’t make your loss easy, but they will definitely take the guess work out and have a lot of decisions already made for you on those hard decisions allowing yourself time to grieve. 

There are going to be two groups of people reading this, 1- experienced loss  or 2- going to experience loss. No one is immune to loss. If you are reading this and have already experienced loss, my prayer is this helps to direct you for that “next step”, or if you are reading from the second grouping and are ahead of a loss my hope is that you take these 3 steps forward and prepare yourself and your family for that journey we will all have to face.  

Here is an image of my phone cover. I share it in order to provide hope. It reads, 

 “Worry About Nothing, Pray About Everything” 

This is a shortened quote from the verse: 

Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God

Philippians 4:6 

We were so blessed, Quintin was so wise and worked to be an exceptional provider for our family through the good times and the bad. One of the truest most selfless gifts he could have ever given us was the gift of preparedness in the event of a rainy day, and he prepared well. I can only imagine the moment he came face to face with Jesus and him saying to Quintin “Well done good and faithful servant!” he was the epitome of this statement of truth, and he was a true gift to our family! 

So friend, do your best and give the rest to God. 

Your rainy day will eventually come and it might just hit you unexpectedly like it did for our family. This picture tells the story the best, we knew the physical rain was coming so we were prepared put smiles on our faces and let go of what we couldn't control.

It’s our job to prepare for that day, for we don’t know the exact time or day but our day will come. So prepare and when worry pops in make a choice to give it to the one who was intended to carry our burdens. 

You won’t know when your rainy day will come, so I urge you prepare now have those difficult conversations make those hard decisions not for you but for your loved ones. 

Love on your family through the gift of “Preparedness”  In the end, it will be the best gift you can give to your loved ones!

Much Love & Blessings

Lori -CBM 💗✝️